literature

Swearing Through the Ages

Deviation Actions

Xaviere's avatar
By
Published:
431 Views

Literature Text

"I want you to write an essay," the teacher told us,
Her piece of chalk rinsing the blackboard in white,
"On the development of the English language."
All of us looked dismayed, faces painted with utter
Confusion.
"Now, I want your essays to be unique," she added,
Scrawling childish handwriting on the board, a firm
Hand underlining and supporting our drooping heads. "So
No copying. All different.
"

The paper swished around the room,
Fury brimming from faces deserted of energy. I
Glanced at the boy two columns to my left,
Already scribbling on the head, "The Evolution of Chaucer to Shakespeare." A boring
Sot, with no substance.
Lost in his ballpoint
Pen.

To my left,
A tartan girl had started her missive,
A tribute to Tolkien's massive
Trilogy. Fluent in Elvish, Dwarvish,
Swotvish and other tongues, bringing
Home the Ring tonight, and smug
Reflections in her oversized lenses.

Tedium must be conquered - Tolkien
Would have sent hobbits to stomp
On it, and Chaucer relieved by
Several brothels in the middle of the room.
So I began, "The History of Swearing".

How did words start from innocent 'bloody',
To 'Bloody hell!' and 'By gum, you turd!',
I wrote how swearing was always here.
Today, adaptation is rather
Weak. From plain old 'trout'
To 'up the spout'
Bears no defence against 'You lousy fuckwit,
Get out of my sight!'

And then historical references, all marked down
In perfect paragraphs,
Subheadered with a sigh,
Ruler. Underline. Dot the 'i's.
Chaucer was a bawdy bard,
Running through his 'piles of shite'
With fervent glee,
That went down as well, stuck down
Arses with suitable force.

I buggered and twatted
About,
Not forgetting to quote and quibble
And explain my point completely.
Calling the Great Bard, "that wily bastard"
And how it was an insult to dogs
For that strange bitchy word
So mediaeval in its term. And the pièce de
Resistance - the c-word was the final
Paragraph.
Point. Analysis. Conclusion.
All complete.

"What is the meaning...?" she exclaimed,
Grabbing it up, though she meant
"What the fuck?" in her
Heart. I made a careful footnote to
Freudian psychology
In my piece. Euphemisms were
No excuse. She knew that
Too.

The head of Department was
Sterner. She must have been
Thinking, "What a wanker."
Watching me with
Disappointed eyes, as I
Tried not to laugh.

"I want you to write 500 words
On why swearing is bad in society,
" she
Murmured, sending me to my
Detention.
And so I began.

"Swearing is fucking
Bollocks.
".
The first in the 'Ages' Collection.

Those essays in school that ask you to write about stupid things, like 'What type of shoe are you?'...

Bollocks to them all.

Other poems in the 'Ages' Collection:

Bullying Through the Ages
© 2004 - 2024 Xaviere
Comments3
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
comicnerd635's avatar
Great poetry. Better vocabulary.